She rested at an empty table in the restaurant. Her purchases propped across from her as if they were company. Stranger’s conversations swirled around her with excitement of the season and she heard the speakers overhead. 

Let her heart be light.

It had been four years. 

“Why would you even bother acknowledging such a horrible anniversary? Her friends had asked. “Isn’t that counter-productive?” 

But she didn’t see it like that. She saw her acknowledgment as progress. A consistent promise of hope. If she’d learned anything, it was that you had to allow yourself to feel things. All things. So, in this place, at this moment, she let the feelings of grief and anger glide over her like a fog that dissipated as soon as she didn’t fight it.

From now on all troubles would be out of sight.

If she could survive that day, the day that scratched its fingernails off at rock bottom, the day her life moved without her, the day she felt like she’d never be alive again, if she could endure that day, then she could withstand anything. And she had. However bad things had gotten since then, it still wasn’t as bad as that day.

The waiter arrived with her hearty meal and she savored it. 

Through the years, we all will be together.

More feelings came up so she listened. Lonely. The season hadn’t cozied into her heart the way it usually did. Decorations felt flat and company was distant. 

Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.

Even still, she knew she was whole. She had accomplished amazing things and there was even more to come. It was a good life. Someday, maybe, she would experience and give an unfathomable love that her heart couldn’t even understand yet. The hope was there.

If the fates allow.

She left a generous tip on the table, put on her jacket, and gathered her gifts. Her heart sighed and she gave a private smile to the day that would never be again. 

So, have yourself a merry little Christmas now.